Exactly how i feel when i hear something stupid come out of my friend’s mouth
(via obey-whoran)
Desiree
Read my thoughts :)
I will have poetry in my life. And adventure. And love. Love above all. No... not the artful postures of love, not playful and poetical games of love for the amusement of an evening, but love that... over-throws l...ife. Unbiddable, ungovernable - like a riot in the heart, and nothing to be done, come ruin or rapture. Love - like there has never been in a play." • Ask me anything
She's a Dreamer..
Read my thoughts :)
I will have poetry in my life. And adventure. And love. Love above all. No... not the artful postures of love, not playful and poetical games of love for the amusement of an evening, but love that... over-throws l...ife. Unbiddable, ungovernable - like a riot in the heart, and nothing to be done, come ruin or rapture. Love - like there has never been in a play." • Ask me anything
She's a Dreamer..
“I forgive you.”
So week 2 for going to church, and even though it’s only week 2 i can feel changes stirring up in me, good changes, positive ones, ones that i probably needed awhile back to say the least.
I had another girl come to me and tell me that she had been with my ex while we were together, and she thought i knew, and i had no reaction, i didn’t care. I didn’t get mad, upset, i didn’t even cry, i wasn’t surprised i just felt like what else is new? add your name to the roster
Th day i found out he actually left, i felt nothing as well, no tears, no nothing. He was gone, he’s been gone as far as i feel for awhile. Not having a physical presence didn’t change anything.
I did go see my counselor the next day though and talk to her, more about my dad than anything (won’t elaborate on that here) but i did tell her iv’e almost accepted not having a response from mike, like it doesn’t eat me up like it used to.
There are times when it still hurts, i am still sick, so i am still living with that physical presence, so i can never fully get over it, but i am not letting it weigh me down, He chose to leave without saying a word proves more to me the guilt he probably feels and can’t face me, if the situation was reversed i don’ think i could face him either.
Maybe he just doesn’t care. Given everything that has happened in the course of our 2 year roller coaster i was only really sure once he loved me. but either way it’s not for me to deal with and carry around.
When i went to easter service saturday i had a long prayer between me and the man upstairs, and it was physically the hardest thing for me to even think, but i told him that i forgive mike, and to send him that peace while he’s gone.
I don’t ever feel i could ever physically say that to mike, much less speak to him, but i think god should be able to relay the message just fine, in whatever magical way he can.
I feel like i can start over now, not nessecarily that i’m going to go date, but i don’t live in fear of mikes presence in my life anymore, the fear that led me to be angry, bitter, depressed, non-dating, and very outside of myself, his physical presence always did that to me.
Then again though when you love someone the way i did with him, i don’t think their presence is something you ever ignore, i was always conciously aware he was there even if i ignored him.
I forgive you.
…”All the words i couldn’t Say”
Ahhh officially one month till i will be walking the stage..and slowly but surely everything is sinking in
Applying for jobs has to be the most tedious things iv’e ever done…but i know god is going to steer the right job in my direction..i have faith in his plan, and my abilities to contribute as a writer…but waiting in the meantime is very scary
Seems like everything is coming to a head this spring…i’m figuring out my real friends..whose always been there,..who never was and it’s almost like cleaning house..funny how everything revealed itself as i’m about to head into the real world
one tree hill is over this week..waahhhh
He’s finally leaving..or so i heard..he’ll etheir be the boy who cried “leave” for the 4rth time or he actually will..i won’t care etheir way..almost four months later i almost rid of him and i’m happy. i don’t need/feel the need for closure..or any kind of goodbye from him.
ready to walk the stage and graduate…and i will enjoy every bit of time that’s left until then
..Wishing you well
Soo i don’t know where i got the balls to do this, but i messaged my highschool sweetheart and wished him well on his marriage…since our friends are waiting for me to do something outlandish either for their own amusement or because they think in some sweep of fate it will change something. Like we 16 years old again and you can just put it all out there and you will get a magical ending out of it.
Were not 16, and almost four years out of highschool the prospect of Joseph being with another girl doesn’t threaten me like it did when i was younger, i want him to be happy. I had no expectations for the convo being we haven’t spoken in over a year…but here it is.:
Me:
So i know this is random to you and it’s been a long time since wev’e spoken, i just wanted to tell you congrats on your news. People ( our friends) keep asking me what i am gonna do because i assume if this was a movie then in some dramatic fashion the highschool sweetheart would do something extravagant in light of such big news. BUT this is not a movie, all i’m going to do is wish you the best, i hope your happy, and have a great marriage. You deserve the best and i wish nothing but good things for you,…your great, always have been so i know you will do good.
Always,
Desiree Johnson
Joseph:Thank you, that was very considerate.
Me: Your welcome.
Seems like people who dated 3 years would have more to say to each other, and in some ways i wanted to, I wanted him to ask about me, or say something just as nice in return. But he didn’t. He turned his back on his past awhile ago seeming to throw our relationship into a pile of many things he doesn’t want to remember for some reason. Which i’ll never understand, even if it was a highschool relationship,..we shared great memories and experiences and we really did love each other. But this was my goodbye and my sendoff. Goodbye my first love, my best friend.
