..So this weekend was EPPIIIIICCCCCC!!!
I haven’t had so much fun in awhile with my sisters and friends…
Its nice to know i’m leaving my undergrad years on a good note and i’m so proud of my sorority and all of our accomplishments and knowing i had a hand in everything that has brought us such success is such a humbling feeling
Being apart of something bigger than yourself really is a life changing experience
SOoo you know that moment you realize you like someone and it hits you like a ton of bricks..
thank god my best friend knows me better than me..cause as soon as i said “i think i like him” she was “like i knew it, i thought you have for awhile”
and i hate when i like my guy friends…i haven’t in a really long time..and it’s scary when it’s someone who you have a close relationship with..but you know hes a good guy…
& i think he likes me too, i’m almost sure of it..but it’s hard when we both have our individual guards up..and i don’t know how to tell him..like if he doesn’t like me it won’t break my heart..i’d rather just be honest and put it out there on the table…
especially since everyone is trying to hook him up right now, cause i know that’s what happened to one of my last guy friends..we liked each other and then before i knew it he had a girlfriend..and is happy now so i can’t complain..but now we always do the “what if” card
taking chances…i’m not afraid of rejection..i’d rather put it out there that i’m interested than to have to wonder instead if it could have been me.
..and i think we look pretty cute together..just saying
AHHH end of semester seems to have so many surprises..11 days till graduation!!!
So for once i felt like completely naked (figuratively speaking) in front of my sisters who got to take a peek at my past, at a time that stands so still it feels like a dream.
I’m trying to get used to this stripping down feeling i have to have to toughen up my skin for when i write, for when people are going to ask questions to the situations, and people in my life that are my own personal secrets…my own personal struggles and heartaches.
Making this project was the hardest thing emotionally i had to revisit,…and for many people who were there with me like stina, my little sis, and my mom i don’t know if it was seeing me in love that made them sad..or seeing the person i was in the pictures.
So i thought to share it with you…when i can translate this into the book..the story i want it to be…it’s going to blow people’s mind. So here’s my final project for my mexican-american class…a “photo story”
My Oh My what a month April has been…
It’s funny how at the end you get taken right back to the beginning of everything…I remember being 17 and working at the library, and getting over my failed relationship with Garvin and finally living with the reality that Joseph and i were really over.
I remember being bright-eyed about college, hopeful, ready to take on the world, and not that i ever had an exact vision about what would happen in college, i just knew as long as Stina was there with me i could do it, and she has been every step of the way
I couldn’t ask for more from someone who knows me inside and out better than anyone else, who after 10 years is still the person i run to and she’s there with kind words and sincere wisdom that has guided me effortlessly
When i started my last semester here in January i was angry, disillusioned, on the verge of setting my entire world on fire because of how worthless i felt.
Now with less than a month to graduate, ive forgiven, faced my demons internally, and have taken a new perspective on where i see myself, my purpose, and who i am to myself and others.
Even if i am scared, i have more clarity now about myself than i ever had in my lost years of college, chasing after hopes, dreams, and a false sense of who and what i thought was going to make me happy, and i’m sad i wasted almost 2 years doing so. but i learned from it.
I was selfish in the fact that i deliberately chose to seclude myself this semester, bury myself in my internships and homework, i needed to deal with me, and i put myself in my own bubble to do so
I don’t regret that, i for some reason or the other have seemed to let go of alot friendships this past semester, with people who at some point in my life meant and did a great deal for me.
..But when your the only one holding on to a friendship based on what you had in the past..well the present becomes a little hazy, and the future uncertain, and i’d rather have people in my life that want to be there, that don’t treat me as a conveince, lie, or run from the problem
I’m not the kind of person who sees a problem and is afraid to confront it, but when your the only one doing so no solution can occur, or it happens too late
A friendship is a give and take process, but i got exhausted of being taken from..my time especially to those who gave me nothing.
My circle is a little smaller these days, and i’m okay with that, i don’t need a million friends to make myself feel better, i really don’t.
There are some people..people so far away and gone now..i wish i could have back..some pieces of my life i wish more than anything i could have back, but i can’t..and i know that those people are in better places and happy, and that comforts me.
I can pick out three distinct periods in my life where my personality/ person radically changed..when i got to high school…when me and joseph broke up, and when i met mike, i sit sometimes and reflect on the three people..who i was, who iv’e been..and who i’m going to be..and i’m trying to figure out a way to combine the three..because there have been good and bad fragments of each person that has been garnered and lost
As i’m graduating soon i figure just liked with my friends..i will be able to strengthen and let go concerning who and what i want to be in this world..work-in-progress
Miss them. Ultimate Best Friend DUO EVER
Summer 2012: I will get myself my puppy finally.